Comments for Grieving Dads Project

Comment on “Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” by Mike

Mike — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 12:07:50 +0000

Hi Steven, well said mate….sometimes I think that we are the ‘chosen ones’. What we have had to experience, most people have absolutely no idea…hence, don’t really know what to say.

I hope you are doing good.

Best regards,

Mike.

Comment on “Ways to Support a Grieving Dad” by Mike

Mike — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 11:51:38 +0000

Ronin died in my arms almost 8 months ago. He was eleven and a half…the last thing he said was “Dad, I can’t breathe…!”. My wife and two boys watched as I tried to resuscitate him, but I couldn’t bring him back. Ronin suffered a catastrophic asthma attack that ended his life. What followed almost ended me too…I couldn’t see how I could possibly go on.

Eight months on, we’re going okay. We decided that we would do positive things to help us to be okay…it’s been bloody hard, and still is. I was delighted to come across a group of men that have walked the steps I have walked, and hopefully I can both find some help for myself, and be able to share some of my experiences that may help a fellow dad to walk this path with the support of a friend who is walking next to him.

My email is mikeykelly@gmail.com….I would be more than happy to hear from a fellow dad who needs an ear, or who happens to have one available.

All the best, love and understanding!

Mike.

Comment on About Me by Debbie Welsh

Debbie Welsh — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 22:33:57 +0000

You are such a courageous man. How do we evoke change in this world by stepping up and taking the reins. You have been through something that only the heart can conceive and yes, you are definitely capable of bringing about change and support to other men who are either suffering in silence or looking for other men to connect with. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your courageous spirit and for making it safe for other men to take part in their own healing.

God is usng you in such a powerful way…keep taking the next right step….you are helping many people and in return they are helping you.

It takes great courage to share our pain, but we only become stronger for it.

God bless!

Comment on “Something Inside Died That Day” by Debbie Welsh

Debbie Welsh — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 22:22:34 +0000

Thank you for being so courageous and open with your feelings. I have really been struggling this year with depression and wanting to die. Something has died inside of me and I have no more meaning or purpose in my life. I feel like my life is over and I dont have any fight left in me. I have 5 children who I’ve raised and they are great kids, but they are too busy with their own lives to make time for their mom. When I heard your story it touched me in a very special way because I have children, but also because I have lost 2 children. I am going to share my experiences with you because it might help and I know it will help me too.

When I was very young I experienced a teen pregnancy. I was 14 and my boyfriend was 16. We were very close. He was my very best friend in the world and my very first love. No, it wasnt puppy love so everyone thought. I loved him with all my heart. He always took good care of me and kept me safe, always. We had a very special friendship and too this day he resides in the deepest part of my heart and he always will.

Because we were so young our parents got involved and took over the situation. I was whisked away for a quick abortion before anyone found out. This took place in 1978. My special friend was with me through the whole process, but its not what we wanted. We were so young and our parents were so wrong for silencing us and for making our decision for us. To this day I continue to suffer with that loss and I can see how it affected my boyfriend at the time too. He never spoke to me ever again and if I was walking up the street he would turn his car around and drive the other way. Oh my God, the rejection I felt and the remorse for how our baby was taken from us. Whenever I feel badly about the loss of my very first child (April/1979 would have been the due date) I remind myself that I was only 14 and that my dad panicked and did what he thought was right. How could my boyfriend hate me to this day when as adults now we can look back and try to understand why our parents didvwhat they did. He hated me for allowing the baby to be taken, but I was only 14 and we were never included in any decision making around the unborn fetus.

I lost the other child later in my life. My husband and I had three children together and we sparated in 1998, but I didnt realize I was expecting our 4th child. I lost the baby ( miscarriage).
This was out of my control. There was quite a process with this. Maybe I will post what I wrote about the loss of that child as it may be helpful.

Anyways, you sound like a sensitive caring individual and thats so needed in our world.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your feelings.

I will send my story, What Doesn’t Destroy Me Strengthens Me in my next letter to you.

I needed this today…your courage to express yourself has helped me one more day; for this I am truly grateful.

God keeps in perfect peace all those who believe in him. I thank god today for this healing.

Take good care and you are absolutely right, we are never really alone. As long as I continue to walk with God he carries me through.

Thank you!

Comment on Happy Father’s Day? My child Has Died by shaun vivian

shaun vivian — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 00:37:39 +0000

hi i lost a son after 90 minutes after birth and now try to help people especially fathers here in New Zealand. i can understand and nodd when i see what you have written as we are the silent ones who have to suffer by ourselves whilst we look after our partner or wife as they grieve and also try to work out what was wrong and why could i not fix it. yes it is Fathers day and for the sake of my other children it will be a happy fathers day but it will also be a day i feel i have let down my son who we have lost.

Comment on “To Be A Man In Grief” by jeanette

jeanette — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 02:11:52 +0000

This poem would have to be another favourite of mine, it reminds me of wat me and my partner is going thru.

Comment on “Debilitating” by LINDA POLING

LINDA POLING — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 22:29:10 +0000

I just lost my son Rob age 30 to an overdose one month ago. The pain in horrible but the guilt is immeasurable. I don’t think I tried everything to help him. I tried so many things but this time around his addiction was more than I could handle and because of that…..he is gone. I should have done so much more. I tried the Dr. Phil approach “tough love”. He has no idea what he is talking about. Had I not kicked my son out he would be alive right now. Tough love does not work! My son moved in with his grandma who enabled him all the time with money and never holding him accountable for his actions of stealing, lying etc… It was a bad situation and I made it a whole lot worse and I have to live with that the rest of my life. The pain in my other kids eyes is hard to handle. I hope this feeling of dibilitation does get better for my other kids sake.

Comment on “Crying As I Write This” by kira

kira — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 19:18:05 +0000

As I read this I cry, and cry and cry. We lost our perfectly healthy son 11 weeks ago yesterday he would have been 4 months old. There is no answer for it. Easy pregnancty 1 hour and 20 minutes labor and delivery 9 pound baby Jayden was just perfect. At 6 weeks old he was rolling. It was a saturday afternoon I nursed him and put him down in his back. Went to have dinner with his two older sisters Jayda and Kylie. 2 hours later my husband went to check on him and he was gone. There is no explanation. Its like every wound u get eventually it heals but the wound that u are left with dead it doesn’t. It hurts so very much and sometimes I feel so alone. Thank you for sharing your syory.

Comment on “Don’t Cry for Me Daddy” by Megan

Megan — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:46:43 +0000

Joe,
I just found this site about 10 minutes ago. My daughter passed away almost 2 months ago. She was 4 years old. She was diagnosed with epilepsy, but still lived a very happy life. She died unexpectedly in her sleep. I have been searching for ways to help my husband cope. He is not the type to talk about his emotions, and he is trying very hard to be strong for me. I just know he is dead inside. I feel as though I can never find the words to help him, because I am struggling myself. Your website is wonderful, and I hope it will help my husband to read your writings. I still dont quite know what to say, because I cant even sort my own feelings right now..but I am glad I found your page, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..as I know this is a very LONG healing process..and we will never actually ‘heal’. God bless

Megan
(Michigan)

Comment on “You Are Not Alone” by Robert

Robert — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 21:39:47 +0000

I understand that most men do not, and cannot openly ask for help. I on the other hand am not most men. Unlike many other bloggers here, i did not lose a child to the afterlife, i lost my wife of 4 years. She didn’t pass, she walked out on my two guardian angel daughters, and i. She didn’t tell me about any problems within the relationship, or gave any clues of her not wanting to be around, she just went out one night and hasn’t been home since.
I know i am not alone, but i would like some advice. I heard of special legal aid, located in Balt. Co. that will be able to help me. I need assistance in obtaining custody, child support, and a divorce from the wife that abandoned her family.