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I have been told from many literary agents and large publishers that this book is “moving” and “profound” but they have concerns over how to make it profitable for them.  They say “men typically do not buy these types of books”.  I disagree.  I would have bought a book like this if it had been available after the death of my children.  In addition, this book will serve as a much needed resource for the wife, partner, mother, father, friend, sibling, coworker, or neighbor of a bereaved father, or anyone else that has experienced a profound loss.  Service providers will also find this book insightful.

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Book Overview

This is a book I wish I never had to write.  It’s also the book I wish I’d had after the death of my two children, a book that no grieving dad or anyone who cares for him should be without.

This is not a self-help book written by experts or an instruction manual on how to survive grief or profound loss.  This book is a collection of survival stories by men who have survived the death of a child and lived to tell the tale.  They are real stories that pull no punches and are told with brutal honesty.  Men that have shared their deepest and darkest moments.  Moments that have included thoughts of suicide, self-medication and homelessness.  Some of these men have found their way to a life of fulfillment while others are still very stuck in their pain.       

This book is about what happens to fathers after the death of a child.  Through the candid stories from grieving dads from all walks of life, the book offers compassionate companionship from fellow members of, in the haunting words of one dad I interviewed, “this terrible, terrible club”. 

As any of us will tell you, there is no day that we don’t miss our children, no day that we wouldn’t do anything to have them back.  But there does come a day when, with the help of others, we are able to find meaning in life again and even happiness.  This is the core message, and it is a message that any grieving father at any point in his journey with grief urgently needs to hear.  I certainly needed to hear it.

I tried to deal with my grief according to the conventional wisdom so many men are brought up with, which perversely, increased my suffering all the more.  We all know the party line on how men are “supposed” to deal with loss or even disappointment: toughen up, get back to work, take it like a man, support your wife, don’t talk about your emotions, don’t lose control, and if you must cry, by all means do so in private.

It is estimated that each year one million parents in the United States lose a child.  Anyone who is personally or professionally involved with a grieving dad will find this book illuminating, inspiring, and informative.