Deep In My Grief

Last month I posted a couple of my writings that I wrote while I was deep in my grief.  I received a lot of comments regarding these posting so I decided to share some more of these writings.  Once I start reading them, it takes me right back to the moment when I wrote them.  The good thing is that I don’t stay there anymore.  I read them from time to time as a reminder of how far I have come since those very dark days.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  But I am a fighter and I will climb out of this pit.  I will be a different person, a better person, a much more loving and compassionate person.  My relationship with God is stronger than ever and will continue to be.  I know I will hold my kids in heaven.  I feel that I am just breaking over the hill and starting my down hill climb back to my new normal.

It has impacted every aspect of my life.  I went from a person that had hope and confidence to someone who has to fight to regain just a small portion of these things back.  I feel like I have to restart this process everyday and it becomes tiring. 

I’ll go weeks feeling like I am doing better and then I have a set back that will last a several days.  It’s been 13 months since Noah and the pain is just below the surface.  The things in my life that used to seem important really don’t anymore.

This entry was posted in anxiety, Bereaved, Death of a Child, Depression, Despair, Emotions, Grief, Grieving Dads Words, Healing, Hope, Loss of a Child, Survival. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Deep In My Grief

  1. Jody Dark Eagle Breedlove says:

    I was so glad to read your words and also sad for the intensity of your pain. I was glad because after three years I am no much better either. I read where so many parents are fine after a year or two and then there’s us, still being cut down low by the terrible pain that we carry inside. I thought I was abnormal for being so messed up for so long. You must have been very close to your boy.
    I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am sorry you are still struggling with the pain.
    You are not along brotherman…not alone.

    Jody Dark Eagle Breedlove

  2. Jack Hobby says:

    There is a lot of us that has been thrown into a club, and the dues we pay are very high. There is no way out of this club. I also go for weeks doing ok and then it hits me again like a brick, it has been 5 years. It will never go away. You brain goes into protection mode to keep from going crazy. I also will hug my son when I reach heaven. I pray every day that no parent is put in this club.

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